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Mar. 7th, 2006 @ 07:50 pm Subjecting Abnormal Paranoia AntiPsychotic Hypnotic Methadone Carefree
Im working on my time-time.

The fact of the matter is, the matter becomes sticky and moist and seals my hand upon any clean surface.
I have tried to eat less, I have succeeded in eating more. I don't care either way. The nails fall out of my door, from the weight of my father's coat.
Somethings never end up meaning as much as one whole day can envelope them into meaning.
The things I have learned are not learned but enforced, cruelly, and imprinted, undauntingly, inside my skull.
"My head is filled with gold. Will you crack it open? IT's so heavy."
The very best friend has no choice.
I decide today everything for tomorrow, and as to yesterday, I have gained no lessons worth sharing.
One thing is for sure, never speak with certainty if your opinion is far away. First person is all we have to exist through. That's opinion. That's not fact. That's just feeling.
My eyes are always closed, from now on, and I am just slipping, and touching, and most importantly FEELING, with my few nerves, just trying to mark a fence. Fenced in safe territory where I can roam and sing, stretch, and fart, and ejaculate all over red flowers with yellow insides that turn into raging bees upon contact.
I don't know what love means.
But I am sure am happy with what it means... to me.
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Jul. 22nd, 2005 @ 04:37 pm AutoMobilesAutoMaticPeopleAutoMotivesAutoMaticReceptorsREVOLTREVOLTREVOLT. Accept.
Current Mood: satisfiedi feel very salty today.
Current Music: L7- BRICKS ARE HEAVY (the whole album)
For it hath commeth forth to thine attention brought doubtly to thy mind: All things broad and broad feel no slim-slims.
I have been discouaged by the swarms of boys- both young and old, who set themselves upon their comfort chairs to sturdily grasp their chin in a pondorous effort to wonder why and how they lost their wallet. Does everyone have to lose at least one wallet, key ring, purse, bus pass, first love before they get it?
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Further more, don't count your eggs before they hatch. Further on more, don't eat eggs if you are deathly allergic and wish to keep living. It's all simple really. Just follow the white lines and don't cross until they become dotted. Before you know it, you'll find yourself set up keenly with just one spouse, multiple offspring, a reclining chair, a subscription to a magazine of interest, a pension bulding up in your invisble theoretical bank account that is actually just a sequence of ones and zeros underneath dirty fingernails and green boards with silver metallic receptors. None of it matter, money is paper and copper and could burn and be destroyed in the wink of one eye, oh but you have two! Mind if you'd care to wink both? Thanks, thanks, I'll setlle the paperwork in the morning.. oh! but not tomorrow morning, I'll have to fly, there's the place and the person and the event, the event, the event, that's been waiting for days. Tonight, then, when the kids are asleep. Don't be too loud, I've been up all week with 71029- he's got his molars coming in. In? IN? Fucking ludicrous bitch! I told you to never utter such inconviences to me ever EVER again! You make me want to fucking choke you to death! Fuck it! Might as well! Good night! A thousand times good night. Don't quote that shit to me, I'm fucking raging, can't you see these veins bulging in my neck? I see yours, your screaming! You're blasting air through your woodwind instrument, and I am just looking at your little breasts rising and falling on your compacted rib cage. What I wouldn't give for some pork on my eyelids, weighing down the consiquences of quenching my replenishable thirst. Let's take photos instead! ZOOM! Did you try the zoom lanes, honey? ZOOOMMM!!!"
You'll never get me alive. I hope to one day tell you how much I love you without sounding like a mindless drone conscripting to endless romantic outdated images. It never matters. Never. Isn't that reassuring? You matter, oh sure, you matter the world to me, but it doesn't. It couldn't. It might not even exist. Outside yourself? Into myself? I can charge you admission, but nothing like illusions of exchange rate money or eternity. Like freedom? Like free doom? Like paper mache sticking to tongues that only want to escape the Carlsbad Caverns, I'll let you be free. Through this life, into the next, I'll let you.
About this Entry
Jul. 13th, 2005 @ 10:43 pm From the Muddy Banks of the Ottawa
Current Mood: indescribablelook at the pixel work go!!!!!
Current Music: none
1. What time were you born?: i don't know.
2. If you were a tree, what kind would you be?: deciduous
3. What is your favorite city?: they're too similar.
4. If you could make one amendment to the Constitution, what would it be?: women would be people, not property
5. If you were going to visit a third world country, what would it be?: india
6. Would you rather see the Eiffel Tower or Big Ben?: eiffel tower
7. If you were to study a second (or third) language, what would it be?: french
8. Would you rather spend the day at the End of the Oregon Trail
Interpretive Center or the Oregon History Museum?: dying at the bottom of a well
9. Would you rather go bungee jumping or parachuting?: bunjee jumping
10. If you desperately needed money for college and your only option was the armed forces, would you choose the army, navy, or air force?: oh no! not army, not navy, i'd take air force, by default, not by preference.
11. You are Chuck in "Cast Away". Would you open that last package?: YUS.
12. You have a choice of traveling by canoe or water bike on the Columbia.
Which do you choose?: water bike!
13. What musical instrument do you wish you could play?: sitar! drum kit
14. Would you rather attend a Barney concert or play Pokèmon all day?: play POKEMON all day.
15. Would you rather attend a math or social studies conference?: social studies, it would be more beneficial, 'cause I would process more data.
16. You must study a medical profession in college. You choose surgeon or
ER doctor?: oh no! uhh duhhh duhh... ER docter... I don't like pretenses.
17. You have the opportunity to speak face to face to an actor/actress whom
you don't particularly like. What do you say?: Why do you feel as though you are an acceptable choice for the public to raise on a pedestal of fame and notoreity? oh yeah? Well, I fear that I disagree with you. Now if you bare with me for just a moment longer, while I relieve my pistol from it's resting place in my holster upon my waste band, I will willingly relieve you of your position of undue fame. Thank you for your time, sleep well tonight... MUTHAFUCKA!!! Just kidding.
18. You must get either your belly button or eyebrow pierced. Which do you
choose?: oh no! my least favourites. you jerk. belly button. eyebrows are too sacred. wait... so are belly buttons! ahhh. fine. i surrender. belly button it is.
19. Summer boredom is really catching up to you. Do you listen to music or
watch TV?: listen to music! easier on the eyes.
20. You must get a tattoo. What is it of or what does it say?: the symbol for earth! or a peace symbol! or the symbol for venus/woman! all three! hahahahha
21. Would you rather swim in a (clean) lake or pool?: pool. then I'll know more or less what is on the bottom.
22. You are given a camera and told to photograph your day. Are the
majority of your pictures of people or things/objects?: things, because I am lonely.
23. You enter a store. Do you go left or right?: STRAIGHT.
24. You must dye your hair hot pink or bright red. Which do you choose?: bright red. hands down.
25. Would you rather watch FOX, NBC, or WB11 for the news?: oh no! I hate their news! NBC, but aren't they all the same network, or something?
26. Your senior pictures are scheduled. Do you choose to have them taken
indoors or outdoors?: indoors; outdoors is an option?
27. You are getting married. Do you choose to have the event take place in
a church or the outdoors?: outdoors! I am not religious.
28. Would you rather travel to Germany or Africa?: yikes, AFRICA.
29. You are stranded on the side of the road. Do you hitchhike, walk, or
take the bus?: walk a bit, then take the bus.
30. You must participate in one leg of a triathlon (run, bike, or swim).
Which one is it?: Bike, because it accompanies a machine.
31. Where would you like future Olympic games to be held?: the moon, obviously. NO GRAVITY would help everyone out SOOO much.
32. Would you rather be extremely hot or extremely cold?: I can never decide. Extremely cold, because cold numbs pain and you'd just go into a totally numb state eventually, before you died, say.
33. You buy hand lotion. Is it scented or not?: Not.
34. You want to see a movie with friends. Would you rather go to a drive-in
or the same ol' theater?: haha that scenerio could never occur. if it was realistic my life situation, I would say same old theater.
35. You must put together a puzzle. Do you choose 2,500 or 5,000 pieces?: what the fuck do you think? 2 500. I'd throw about 2 100 out the window, and just make a very tiny, very incomplete puzzle, too.
36. Would you rather spend the day with Cookie Monster or Big Bird?: Cookie Monster, because a) he is less moody, and b) what do you mean? of course cookie monster, he's just be giving you cookies and big blue hugs all day long, and c) he has a way better sense of humour
37. The only jobs you could land for the summer are at McDonald's or a gas
station. Which do you prefer?: gas station. hands down.
38. You are given $30. What do you do with it?: save it in a book.
39. And finally, the oh-so-popular question of: You are stranded on an
island. You can have one thing, but not another human. What do you
choose?: the titanic. and yes, in the state it is currently in today, all decaying. yes. that is what I want.
About this Entry
Jun. 27th, 2005 @ 05:59 pm (no subject)

happy birthday to me.

i am seventeen.

"when i was seventeen
i drank some very good beer
i had a fake i.d.
my name was brian mcgee
when i was seventeen..."

i can't wait.

love, jes v.

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Jun. 20th, 2005 @ 04:47 pm this log-in window has expired.
Current Mood: coldi'm itchy, not cold.
Current Music: suck clit, shit hole.
my musical taste is off because my taste buds are coated in dark green from too much colour sliding in from red and red and green and blue and orange and orange and lemon. lemon yellow suns.
false hands praise false gods and my blood flocks when it thinks of fuck-ing.
desolate. desolate sand piles perched in hot flames of salt. i have never even been to the ocean, but i am not bitter about. i am scared off from stories from mothers with burnt backs from jellyfish with bright shocks. ripping through skin. where do they think they're going? they're not coming in.
patti smith through arthur rimbaud and me through her. He was smart and she was skinny and i am just... just so. the sickest food chain is the one where everyone is well fed and healthy as the horse meat beneath their chairs.
i am happy that what is over is over, and it is way too fresh in my mind and on my eyes to want to go back and try it all over again. i wish certain declarations would have waited. i wish everything would just wait until i could catch up, and stir the pot with my own two hands. and doesn't that bring back the burn and green and the euphoric feelings all too quickly. what's too easy? maybe not is what we need. not is need. maybe.
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May. 20th, 2005 @ 11:05 pm wearing... wearing... worn.
today is the day the emperor got his new clothes.
today is the day the field birthed a new cauliflower.
today is the day I discovered the end of me.
today is the day I fell out of clean gree tree.

today I love, but the lovers don't see me. working in an ultimatum. why do i have so few compadres? no, dennis, i am not using it wrong because nothing is permanent. i hope he can't sleep so he has to stay awake with me
red.rred.red.red.red.red.red.red.is like a circle.
blossom flowers of burning fire.
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May. 11th, 2005 @ 10:09 pm sur-very. sur-i-name.
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
If you were born outside of your era, when would you want to be born and why?
'50's, so i could be 20 in the seventies b'cuz "EVERYONE WAS SPACE CADET!" can you believe it?

If you ran a store, what would you sell/have?
goooood feelings. omfgzQ!U!(! jfk!!!! lololololzplalsokojoakso!!!!!

What part in a movie would you love to play?
space explorer. who goes to a land of dinosaurs. and eats trees.

In your opinion, why do people suck?
they need to clean the fish tank.

If you had your own state, what would you put on your new quarter?
zebras or brachiosauruses? brachiosaurusii?

What's your biggest guilty pleasure dealing with music?
pearl jam. i'm fat, so what?

What's the oldest article of clothing you own?
i used to have a sweater that had a cat face that was a family-generation-pass-on-or-die kind of a thing.

What piece of furniture have you replaced the most?

What type of art do you think more people should support?

What instrument do you wish you could be more than great at?
classical guitar.

Record, Tape, or CD?
tapes. records second. cd's fifteenth.

What do you think would be the best concert ever? (max: 4 bands)
nirvana, but they're dead. bikini kill, but they're dead. old pearl jam, but they're dead. whatever else, it's probably dead.

What's the best part of your favorite movie?
mrs mia wallace and mr vincent vega on a date.

What do you think is the most over-rated candy ever?
all candy is overrated.

If you were writing out your will, who would you give your CD collection to?
my little brothers. they need it the most.

If you could only debate two topics the rest of your life, what would they be?
politics and religion. because i'm stoopit.

Out of your friends, who would you say you are most jealous of, artistically?
laura stanton. OBviously.

Most jealous of... socially?
morgaine, because she is so friendly.

What do you collect?
dead batteries, junk.

What is broken that you have, that you wish was fixed?
my fucking tape player. DOG>

What do you do when you're home sick?
write stories about kids who fake being sick to write stories about kids who fake being sick so they can stay home and ...... write stories.

Why does this survey suck?
because it is stuck in it's cucoon.

Why does this survey rock?
because it's a beautiful butterfly
About this Entry
Mar. 18th, 2005 @ 08:16 pm "his name is randy" "mom, did you just say RANDY?" "what's so funny about that?" -two boyslaughlaugh
Current Mood: calmi am an ocean.
Current Music: the band

i hardly ever go out on friday nights, but i see myself just fine.

i dislike lots of petty things but i like lots of big wordly things so i am an optimist and i believe in nostradamus and neil young.

i will never be grateful that we did not have a family band.



to an older: i am a lot like you. patterns are noted by your side of our brain. (real real real real real real real real ???????????)


love, jes viens.


About this Entry
Mar. 4th, 2005 @ 10:03 pm souls are science-fiction.
Current Mood: complacenti am internal shoe sole.
Current Music: sarah harmer-dandelions in bullet holes

Today, my clothes matched so nicely. At this moment I am listening Sarah Harmer. This is very nice. This is very nice. My throat is suffering from a little scratch, and my entire body feels so sorry for it, that we are radiating large gusts of forceful wind through the passages so as to make it feel better. The throat is everyone's favourite! I also played a lot of nice acoustic guitar today. I sure like chords in the first position, I sure do. I will play guitar for a friendly cat I should meet in a lawn of green grass but also, some yellow spots of fungi infection, and the cat might have some missing patches of fur, and I am also not as well good-looking, so we will be a fine group, the grass, the cat and I. I can't wait. I hope the sky is really cloudy and joyous on that day. Nothing makes a better metaphor for emotions than weather, here is said, I said here. Blood stops circulating to the pinky fingers because they are too small, and never did nothing for nobody. I wish all things were this simplistic. It is my new goal in my livelihood to make things as simple as possible. No more physics, no more bloodcells, no more nucleus, just sun, and snow and cats and bikes and food and touch touch taste ouch fall. But cat's are much nicer, anyways. And my outfit matched so well today. Perhaps I am growing up. I knew it would come. I felt it attacking my immune system like a plague. I still talk/type like a baby, but I love myself for it all the same, so here's to red wine and white flowers and whatever else you have in that basket, there.

About this Entry
Feb. 25th, 2005 @ 04:55 pm this is:
Current Mood: blank"blank"..........chalkboard
Current Music: resist and exist
No sun will shine in my day today
The high yellow moon won't come out to play
I said darkness has covered my light,
and has changed my day into night, yeah.
Where is the love to be found
Won't someone help me
cause sweet life must be somewhere to be found

Instead of concrete jungle
Where the living is hardest
Concrete jungle
Man and woman have to do their best.
No chains around my feet
But still I'm not free
I know I am bound here in captivity
I've never known what happiness is
I've never known what sweet caress is
I'll be always laughing like a clown
Won't somebody help me?
'Cause my sweet life must be somewhere out there to be found
instead of a concrete jungle
where the living is hardest
concrete jungle
a woman has to do her best

Sweet life, sweet life
concrete jungle
where the living is hardest
concrete jungle
man has to do his best
concrete jungle
where the living is hardest
concrete jungle
people you've got to do your best
concrete jungle
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